The best (and worst) weapons for surviving a zombie apocalypse.
(Please note: this is all speculation. I have never been in a zombie apocalypse, nor am I an expert in zombie apocalypses, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Also, this is all for fun.)
So, the zombie apocalypse has come, and you're wondering what weapons you should take to better survive the invasion. Should you take the baseball bat or the chainsaw, the Machete or the flamethrower (and why do you even have a flamethrower in your house?) Wonder no more. Here are a few popular weapon choices for the zombie apocalypse. Are they right for you? Just read on...
Weapons you probably don't want to use during a zombie apocalypse:
Flamethrower--Yeah, it looks all cool and bad-ass and all, but its not as useful as one might think. One, it slows you down, something you do not want during a zombie invasion. Two, what's worse than hungry murderous zombies? Hungry murderous zombies on fire.
Sniper Rifle--Okay, this is awesome if you're, say, two miles away and can see the zombies staggering toward you up a hill. But, as we all know, where does everyone always end up in a zombie apocalypse? Right, completely surrounded by a huge zombie mob. Leave the Sniper Rifle for target practice.
Chainsaw--This is a popular weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse, but it might not be the best. After all its heavy, its awkward, and unless you're a lumberjack you're not going to know how to use it efficiently. And once it runs out of gas, its pretty much useless. Still, a good weapon in a pinch if there is only a few zombies, and you don't mind getting spectacularly messy.
Good weapons of choice for the zombie apocalypse
Baseball Bat--Possibly the best all around weapon for killing zombies; cheap, readily available, no ammo, and little skill required. Metal is probably better then wood, and of course, always aim for the skull.
Machete--A nice big knife with a nice sharp edge is always a good choice for the zombie apocalypse, with one caution: Machete's and other big knives have been known to stick in a body when used, so be careful your weapon isn't yanked from your grip when surrounded by zombies. Don't waste time and energy hacking at a zombie's chest or arms--always go for the neck. A zombie with no head is a zombie who can't bite you.
Katana--If you happen to have one of these, properly sharpened, they're excellent for cutting zombies clean in half. Again, to be safe, always go for the beheading. Or, in a pinch, the legs. Even if its not dead, a legless zombie will be considerably slower, giving you a chance to run away.
Guns--Pistols and handguns are extremely useful during a zombie apocalypse. They're quick, and they have range, allowing you to pick off a horde before it can get close enough to eat you. But they require skill to use, so its best to take several shooting classes to familiarize yourself with a gun if you suspect a zombie plague will break out soon.
Grenades--Most of us aren't lucky enough to have grenades but if you can get access to some they're excellent for thinning out a big horde. Strategically placed mines, napalm, C-4, and dynamite is also useful.
Vehicle--What's the best thing for breaking through a zombie horde? A two-ton hunk of metal going 45 mph. Hummers, armored vans, and SUVs are good choices. Attaching a snow plow to the front is ideal. Open-top jeeps and convertibles are not recommended.
Axe--Good only if you're strong enough to swing it quickly. Also, watch out for it sticking in the skull.
Mace/Morningstar/Iron pipe/Other--Blunt, bludgeoning weapons are always good choices. Really, anything that you can pick up and swing with enough force to crack a skull is good. In an emergency, lots of everyday items will do: lamps, chairs, shovels, golf clubs. Know your surroundings, and use them to fight off your attackers.
And, my number one choice for surviving the zombie apocalypse
Shotgun--There is no better close-quarters weapon then the humble shotgun. Except perhaps a sawed-off shotgun for an even wider angle. For sheer, face shredding, multiple skull exploding power it really can't be beat. Just make sure you grab a lot of ammo and have a backup bludgeoning weapon on hand (see: baseball bat) when you run out of shells. Really, you should carry at least three weapons on you at all times. It's essential to be prepared when facing the zombie apocalypse.
So, did I leave any out? What are your favorite weapons for zombie survival?
Because I was bored...